"who am I kidding" meaning in English

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        "head": "who am I kidding?"
      },
      "expansion": "who am I kidding?",
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  "lang": "English",
  "lang_code": "en",
  "pos": "phrase",
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          "name": "English entries with incorrect language header",
          "parents": [
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      "examples": [
        {
          "ref": "2009, Raymond James Hancock, Necroman:",
          "text": "The alternative to that is of course the chilling thought of Lucifer. I don't like the idea of that so much. Who am I kidding though? I kill people! People, who do horrible things, but people none the less.",
          "type": "quote"
        }
      ],
      "glosses": [
        "Said by someone who, upon the realization that they were kidding themselves, wishes to start thinking in a more sensible, reasonable way."
      ],
      "id": "en-who_am_I_kidding-en-phrase-wnxjhp3a",
      "links": [
        [
          "realization",
          "realization#English"
        ],
        [
          "kidding themselves",
          "kid oneself#English"
        ],
        [
          "sensible",
          "sensible#English"
        ],
        [
          "reasonable",
          "reasonable#English"
        ]
      ],
      "raw_glosses": [
        "(rhetorical question) Said by someone who, upon the realization that they were kidding themselves, wishes to start thinking in a more sensible, reasonable way."
      ],
      "related": [
        {
          "word": "kid oneself"
        }
      ],
      "synonyms": [
        {
          "word": "whom am I kidding"
        }
      ],
      "tags": [
        "rhetoric"
      ]
    }
  ],
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      "audio": "En-au-who am I kidding.ogg",
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  "word": "who am I kidding"
}

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      },
      "expansion": "who am I kidding?",
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  "lang": "English",
  "lang_code": "en",
  "pos": "phrase",
  "related": [
    {
      "word": "kid oneself"
    }
  ],
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        {
          "ref": "2009, Raymond James Hancock, Necroman:",
          "text": "The alternative to that is of course the chilling thought of Lucifer. I don't like the idea of that so much. Who am I kidding though? I kill people! People, who do horrible things, but people none the less.",
          "type": "quote"
        }
      ],
      "glosses": [
        "Said by someone who, upon the realization that they were kidding themselves, wishes to start thinking in a more sensible, reasonable way."
      ],
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        [
          "realization",
          "realization#English"
        ],
        [
          "kidding themselves",
          "kid oneself#English"
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          "sensible",
          "sensible#English"
        ],
        [
          "reasonable",
          "reasonable#English"
        ]
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      "raw_glosses": [
        "(rhetorical question) Said by someone who, upon the realization that they were kidding themselves, wishes to start thinking in a more sensible, reasonable way."
      ],
      "tags": [
        "rhetoric"
      ]
    }
  ],
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  "synonyms": [
    {
      "word": "whom am I kidding"
    }
  ],
  "word": "who am I kidding"
}